Aaaand now you've probably all assumed that this is totally me being emo. That's okay though.
The following is free thought on a specific subject to capture emotions and thoughts on the matter, because I think it will be good writing material to tap down the road, perhaps for a story, perhaps for a poem, since the emotions behind it are powerful and, I think, relate-able.
Do you ever wonder what I'm doing now? Do you think of me when you see something you know I'd like, and wish you could share it? Do you ever wish you could still talk to me about anything or everything? Do you ever miss me? Is it wrong of me to hope that you regret giving me up?
I have no regrets. We tried, but you weren't ready for what I was offering. I understand that, and I do not begrudge it. It brings me sorrow that we were not able to remain friends, and I miss the part you used to play in my life. I will admit, I did resent you for a while for not trying harder to keep our friendship intact afterwards. It seemed like you must not have valued our friendship as much as I had thought - you were my best friend, and yet you were able to walk out of my life. I did not, could not understand. To me, it was a simple matter - even if you didn't want to be with me, we had been friends for years, and you obviously cared about me a great deal. We had promised each other that if things didn't work out, no matter what, we would still be friends. And then everything seemed to evaporate. I still don't understand how you could bear to run away so completely. We were going to be friends forever, and my friendship is worth it. But time has given me perspective and I know that few things are as simple as they seem, especially when emotions are involved.
Your silence was the worst of it, worse than the hole you left. Your silence allowed me to hope, and for so long, I did. I waited and hoped to hear from you again. After I had long since given up hopes of a romantic relationship with you, I hoped that you would walk back into my life, that you just needed time and space before you were ready to resume our friendship. It took quite a while, but I was eventually able to stop hoping. But oh, how it hurt, the day I gave up on that hope, the day when I made myself delete every way I had to contact you. No amount of tea, slinkies and overly loud music dampened that pain.
Would you be happy to know that I now have someone I love who is able to let himself love me back? I hope so. I hope you find love and happiness as well, wherever you may go. I am glad to have known you, and I wish you well. I think I will always miss the friendship we had, but I did my best, and my choices, I made out of love. I have no regrets.
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