...and not in a digging-in-the-freezer-and-finding-an-ice-cream-bar-you-didn't-realize-you-still-had-which-is-still-absolutely-delicious kind of way. ... unfortunately.
Recently, I did something which I am not proud of... at all. I acted in a stupid, selfish manner, and in so doing hurt a dear friend while thoroughly muddling things up. After spending a bit indulging in a depressive spiral of self hatred which was not conductive to anything other than making me physically ill, I've come to a more realistic appraisal of events. Rather than telling myself that I'm an awful, horrible person, I recognize that there were contributing situational factors and that if I was indeed such a terrible person, I wouldn't feel so badly. I'm not one to make excuses for myself though. I acted in a manner which does not fit my self concept, in more ways than one, and I am disappointed in myself.
So what am I going to do about this? Well, I'd like to say that I'll recognize that I'm not perfect, not be more harsh on myself than necessary, and learn from this. Hopefully that's how it goes. Right now I'm still in a funk though. There are a lot of other things going on, and my ability to face them head on and keep right on skipping is severely hampered by not being happy with me.
On the flip side, interestingly enough, I can understand something which I didn't before. Yep, always analyzing. Last year, someone who was one of my best friends did something that hurt me. He knew it would hurt me, and drive a wedge into my cracks, and he did it anyways. In the end, it's what he needed to do. I don't begrudge him that, for although there were some unwise decisions made, they weren't made out of malice or any such. Afterwards, he apologized profusely, and told me how much he hated himself. I appreciated the apology, but didn't understand why he took it to the level he did or how he could possibly think I'd want to hear that he hated himself because of something involving me. After all, I understood why what happened did, and would never want anyone I care about to hate themselves. But now I get it, far better than I'd ever have liked to. Maybe this will make a me a better, more understanding individual. I'd like to think so. Probably just means I think too much though. Meh.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Road trips are the best!
Best what...? Haven't decided yet, but they're definitely the best. Took a trip down to the LA area this last weekend. Left at about 9 pm Thursday night and drove overnight. The best part of these drives isn't even the solid 6-7 hour block of awesome musics, although that's a huge plus. My favorite thing about long overnight drives would be the random thought wanderings. Recorded some of them on my phone as I drove (yay smarter-than-me-phone-that-does-this!).
This will probably only be amusing to me, but that's okay.
"Buttonwillow Mckittrick? Seriously? Hats off to whoever named that street."
"Hmmm.... I wonder how many shiny reflecty road bumps there are between Sacramento and LA. Is it more than dashed lines?"
"Oooooh it's the song that sounds like Ireland! If I was driving in Ireland, I bet I'd do it more like this." *demonstrates*
"Crow's Landing? OMG I need to stop there on the way home and leave some shinny bits and baubles under the exit sign!" Note: I did. No word from The Crow on whether or not they've been collected.
"Alan Jackson." Yes, I have a note to self that just says Alan Jackson. It was profound, I'm sure. No, I'm not going to explain. Yes, I love you too.
"If skipping is how your feet smile, what then, is running?"
Then... there were the stars. ^___^ As I got out of the city, into the dark spaces between where anything can happen and the sky itself is full of whimsy and skipping, I started noticing the stars more and more. This shouldn't come as a surprise, as my mind's always been half in the sky. After about five minutes of trying to drive while ogling the sky, I decided that this was not, in fact, the best idea ever. Surprise surprise, eh? ^-^'' So I exited at a random middle-of-nowhere spot, drove a little bit from the freeway and pulled off into the dirt to get out and stargaze. What followed can only be described as several minutes of bliss. No lights, no people, just me and the sky. I danced around, full of joy and awe and peace, in the middle of nowhere. Then... I realized that I was alone on a deserted country road, in the middle of the night, staring at the sky and got back into my car posthaste. Damn you, unsafe world, for raining on my parade! Still, immensely satisfying. Almost as recharging as spending a day in snowy forest. <3
This will probably only be amusing to me, but that's okay.
"Buttonwillow Mckittrick? Seriously? Hats off to whoever named that street."
"Hmmm.... I wonder how many shiny reflecty road bumps there are between Sacramento and LA. Is it more than dashed lines?"
"Oooooh it's the song that sounds like Ireland! If I was driving in Ireland, I bet I'd do it more like this." *demonstrates*
"Crow's Landing? OMG I need to stop there on the way home and leave some shinny bits and baubles under the exit sign!" Note: I did. No word from The Crow on whether or not they've been collected.
"Alan Jackson." Yes, I have a note to self that just says Alan Jackson. It was profound, I'm sure. No, I'm not going to explain. Yes, I love you too.
"If skipping is how your feet smile, what then, is running?"
Then... there were the stars. ^___^ As I got out of the city, into the dark spaces between where anything can happen and the sky itself is full of whimsy and skipping, I started noticing the stars more and more. This shouldn't come as a surprise, as my mind's always been half in the sky. After about five minutes of trying to drive while ogling the sky, I decided that this was not, in fact, the best idea ever. Surprise surprise, eh? ^-^'' So I exited at a random middle-of-nowhere spot, drove a little bit from the freeway and pulled off into the dirt to get out and stargaze. What followed can only be described as several minutes of bliss. No lights, no people, just me and the sky. I danced around, full of joy and awe and peace, in the middle of nowhere. Then... I realized that I was alone on a deserted country road, in the middle of the night, staring at the sky and got back into my car posthaste. Damn you, unsafe world, for raining on my parade! Still, immensely satisfying. Almost as recharging as spending a day in snowy forest. <3
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Pizza Night
This one's definitely a foodie post. If you're not interested, might wanna skip. ^^;
I've been making pizzas lately. They're extremely versatile, and something about watching the dough rise just makes me happy. Plus, they go over great when entertaining. I get to be creative AND seem like an awesome chef-type person. Win all around. Had a pizza party Friday night. Here's what went down in the kitchen:
Used the same wheat dough for all of them. Pretty simple recipe that I found online at http://allrecipes.com/recipe/amazing-whole-wheat-pizza-crust/
Nothing fancy, but it did come out rather nice. Will probably use it in the future, but modify it to try using only whole wheat flour instead of a mixture. Realized when it was time to put these together that I seem to have lost my rolling pin, so a bottle of Martinelli's cider became an impromptu rolling pin. Worked much better than expected.
Thanks to Mich for the idea of potato on pizza! Used my homemade pesto sauce, thin sliced potato, salt, pepper, some random spices, and a light coat of olive oil on top. Simple and tasty. My second favorite of this batch. Next time though, maybe bake the potato slices a little bit on their own beforehand for texture.
Exhibit B: Pesto Pepperoni
Was going to make a traditional pizza for the least adventurous of my friends - pepperoni, mushroom and olive. However, I'm seriously in love with my pesto sauce, so I used that instead of tomato. Conclusion: Yes, pesto does go well with just about anything. Layered the cheese liberally. Probably the least healthy of this batch. Worth it.
Exhibit C: Spicy Hawaiian
My definite favorite of the night! For the sauce, spread a liberal layer of cream cheese and a sweet chili sauce. Cheese, Canadian bacon, pineapple, and jalapeno on top of that = yum! Sweet and spicy in just the right amounts for delicious. <3
Exhibit D: Vegan Veggie
Used pesto, then a liberal layer of roasted red pepper hummus on this one. Topped it with olive, mushroom and sliced tomato. I like the texture and taste the hummus gave it, but felt like it was missing something... I'd say artichoke heart but that sounds strange with hummus... Think I'll try zucchini on this one as well next time.
I've been making pizzas lately. They're extremely versatile, and something about watching the dough rise just makes me happy. Plus, they go over great when entertaining. I get to be creative AND seem like an awesome chef-type person. Win all around. Had a pizza party Friday night. Here's what went down in the kitchen:
Used the same wheat dough for all of them. Pretty simple recipe that I found online at http://allrecipes.com/recipe/amazing-whole-wheat-pizza-crust/
Nothing fancy, but it did come out rather nice. Will probably use it in the future, but modify it to try using only whole wheat flour instead of a mixture. Realized when it was time to put these together that I seem to have lost my rolling pin, so a bottle of Martinelli's cider became an impromptu rolling pin. Worked much better than expected.
Exhibit A: Vegan Potato Pizza
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Thanks to Mich for the idea of potato on pizza! Used my homemade pesto sauce, thin sliced potato, salt, pepper, some random spices, and a light coat of olive oil on top. Simple and tasty. My second favorite of this batch. Next time though, maybe bake the potato slices a little bit on their own beforehand for texture.
Exhibit B: Pesto Pepperoni
Was going to make a traditional pizza for the least adventurous of my friends - pepperoni, mushroom and olive. However, I'm seriously in love with my pesto sauce, so I used that instead of tomato. Conclusion: Yes, pesto does go well with just about anything. Layered the cheese liberally. Probably the least healthy of this batch. Worth it.
Exhibit C: Spicy Hawaiian
My definite favorite of the night! For the sauce, spread a liberal layer of cream cheese and a sweet chili sauce. Cheese, Canadian bacon, pineapple, and jalapeno on top of that = yum! Sweet and spicy in just the right amounts for delicious. <3
Exhibit D: Vegan Veggie
Used pesto, then a liberal layer of roasted red pepper hummus on this one. Topped it with olive, mushroom and sliced tomato. I like the texture and taste the hummus gave it, but felt like it was missing something... I'd say artichoke heart but that sounds strange with hummus... Think I'll try zucchini on this one as well next time.
Couple that with smoothies and games and the night went really well. ^_^
If anyone has ideas for next time, toss 'em out there; I love trying new things. <3
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